3:43 and i've nothing to believe in

it's hard, this whole "being on your own" thing. it's beautiful, it's liberating, it's fantastic and freeing. but it can get to be tough, especially when you've no close friends right in the area, little to no money for gas (and the prices keep rising), and no job or things to do.

but don't worry - i'm in a very happy place, and after the weekend is over, i shall resume the job hunt extravaganza, and i will be better off for it.

plus there's the promise of monday - at which point i shall trot myself over to the public library and get myself a library card!! yay! (just what i need, hahaha, more books!)

at any rate, i think i'm going to go do some more knitting. ^_^

ta ta, friends!

so, it is official

i move up to the lovely land of minnesota..... today! and this weekend. (in fact, i leave in just a few hours.) it's rather sudden, but all the same, it's been a long time coming, and as bittersweet as it is to leave behind a home i've shared with my family for the past 6 or so years, i'm excited about actually being able to see friends and some extended family (on my fiancé's side), and to actually have opportunities to be engaged in working to serve the Faith and join in Bahá'í activities.

it was very interesting when i woke up this morning and was getting dressed... there was a phoebe-bird outside my window, twittering away its familiar, forlorn call "phoe-be!...phoe-be!" and i thought to myself, that bird kind of represents this day - it's the middle of winter, but there's a bird calling, oblivious to the weather and bad roads and the sadness a lot of people face because of the time of year. and this day, i'm moving up to minnesota, regardless of the change in climate and weather, and the sadness a lot of people are facing (including myself) because of the fact that i'll be over 400 miles away. but, like the bird, i keep on; it doesn't matter if it gets -10˚F up there or -40˚F; and the bird doesn't care if no one hears its call - it keeps on singing, even if it's alone.

i'm going to be like that bird.

happy new years everybody.

yet another open mic!

this friday, december 5th!

panera bread co.
154 w. wilson st
batavia, il 60510

it's from 6:30 - 9:30, but i will probably be performing closer to 8:15/8:30 (or thereafter).

and for those of you interested who haven't got one yet, i'll be bringing cds to sell! (10$ apiece)

hope to see you there!!

thanks...

... giving! :)

so, that time of year is upon us. - we bust out the cranberry sauce and breadcrumbs and gobbling fowl (not to mention green beans, sweet corn, ham, and mashed potatoes), and we all sit down around a table with family and friends and give thanks for the things we enjoy and cherish in our lives. and in honor of said time of year, i'd like to take this moment and give thanks for a few things.

1) God: i literally would not be here without Him, and i don't know what i would do if i didn't have the connection to Him that i do. i am incredibly thankful every day for the gifts that He's given me, and i sincerely hope that i never take anything in my life for granted.

2) my fiance andy: the one man in the world that i treasure more than anyone or anything else. i could go on and on about how incredible and amazing and fantastic he is (as some of you well know, i can't seem to keep from mentioning his name every five seconds, haha), but it's more than what he does for me. - it's the look in his eyes every time he mentions serving humanity and serving as a Baha'i youth. it's the pure character within him that i look at and know i'm not being fooled into thinking that he's good or well-meaning, because he IS just good and well-meaning, and i'm thankful every single moment of my life that God gave me such an astounding gift as to put us in michigan back in march of this year.

3) my family: this includes not only my parents and sisters, but also my extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, and parents/siblings-in-law-to-be. if i didn't have this wonderful supportive group of people around me, giving me advice (even when i don't want it) and helping me get through things, i don't know where i would be at this point in my life, so i'm thankful that i have these wonderful souls here to assist me and be there for me when i need them.

4) friends!!!!: i can't say enough about how awesome all of my friends are, and how much i love them for sticking around and hanging with me, even through all the times that i've been a total and complete pain in the butt for no reason (or valid ones ). i still can't understand why people stick around on those days when i AM a complete pain in the butt, but hey! i'm not complaining! (hahaha) really though, i'm so happy and thankful that i have so many wonderful, understanding friends in my life who are there to support me and be blatantly honest when i need it most.

5) lastly, i just want to thank myself, however odd and vain this may seem. here goes...

i haven't had the greatest life experiences in the years that i've been alive. i haven't been the person that i want to be most days, and i'm truly sorry for the moments that i reacted blindly out of emotion, rather than taking into account what the better thing to do would have been. i'm at a point in my life that i'm happy one minute and struggling the next, but i wouldn't change it for the world. there have been several points in my life (most especially two years ago in the summer) that i seriously and constantly considered ending my life because i thought i couldn't take it, and i figured there was nothing to hold out for. i've had to deal with a lot of crap from other people, and have thrown a lot of undeserved crap onto other people for reasons that i don't even remember now, and probably weren't that good back then. i've been a complete jerk, and have dealt with complete jerks. i've lied, made up stories, bent the truth, and insulted people for no reason other than a power-trip. i've put myself in positions of authority that i shouldn't have been in, and told other people things that nobody ever should have to hear.

but what i want to thank myself for isn't any of that. i'm thanking myself for the fact that i changed. i'm thanking myself for sticking around, and for turning out all right. and i'm thanking you, because you are reading this, and you probably played some role in me getting my head on straight and staying alive.

so... thanks.

piano

i've been doing a lot of piano-playing recently... in fact, it's been getting even more attention than my guitar, which is forlornly stacked in the corner of my room, collecting dust on the top of its case... :/

but anyway - back to the topic at hand, i've been writing a lot of piano music, too, which has been pretty new and exciting for me, since i don't really know what i'm doing. :p but it's been a lot of fun, and i'm enjoying the new adventuring tunes and tones i've been able to come up with, and am thoroughly loving the feel of everything i've come up with so far. it's all been instrumental, and i'm thinking about maybe turning out an instrumental cd at some point before my full album comes out... who knows... (no promises, mind you! just speculation at this point.)