why do i do that?

there are some days that i feel like i can't move forward, i just can't do it, no matter how hard i try. so my only options are to stay where i am or to go backwards. it would make more sense to stay where i am, because then when the day comes to move forward i don't have that much farther to go.

so why do i go back? when i'm bored i read through old emails and look at old blog posts, or read books i've read so many times before. i do things i've done already, things that could wait almost forever to be done again. so why do i do them?

right now, i don't know. all i do know is that it's not a regression kind of thing. going back is, in a sense, a way for me to see how far i've moved forward. maybe that's it. maybe it's not regression or regret, but instead it's progression and reassurance that things can move forward, furthering, bettering, fixing and changing things.

so maybe that's it. i'd like to think so. otherwise i just can't figure out why i'd do something like that... i'm not really much of a person for nostalgia or anything (not that i'm not, i just don't normally feel inclined to reminisce). maybe that's another reason - maybe i should reminisce a little bit... maybe i should learn to accept what's in my past as a "what's done is done" kind of thing. accept, but not attach myself to it. because what's the point in living in the past? i don't see any. so why do it?

ah well. suppose i'll never know. maybe though... if i look into the future... maybe then i'll find out. it's worth a try, right? what've i got to lose? nothing, really.

that's what i thought. :)