thanks...

... giving! :)

so, that time of year is upon us. - we bust out the cranberry sauce and breadcrumbs and gobbling fowl (not to mention green beans, sweet corn, ham, and mashed potatoes), and we all sit down around a table with family and friends and give thanks for the things we enjoy and cherish in our lives. and in honor of said time of year, i'd like to take this moment and give thanks for a few things.

1) God: i literally would not be here without Him, and i don't know what i would do if i didn't have the connection to Him that i do. i am incredibly thankful every day for the gifts that He's given me, and i sincerely hope that i never take anything in my life for granted.

2) my fiance andy: the one man in the world that i treasure more than anyone or anything else. i could go on and on about how incredible and amazing and fantastic he is (as some of you well know, i can't seem to keep from mentioning his name every five seconds, haha), but it's more than what he does for me. - it's the look in his eyes every time he mentions serving humanity and serving as a Baha'i youth. it's the pure character within him that i look at and know i'm not being fooled into thinking that he's good or well-meaning, because he IS just good and well-meaning, and i'm thankful every single moment of my life that God gave me such an astounding gift as to put us in michigan back in march of this year.

3) my family: this includes not only my parents and sisters, but also my extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, and parents/siblings-in-law-to-be. if i didn't have this wonderful supportive group of people around me, giving me advice (even when i don't want it) and helping me get through things, i don't know where i would be at this point in my life, so i'm thankful that i have these wonderful souls here to assist me and be there for me when i need them.

4) friends!!!!: i can't say enough about how awesome all of my friends are, and how much i love them for sticking around and hanging with me, even through all the times that i've been a total and complete pain in the butt for no reason (or valid ones ). i still can't understand why people stick around on those days when i AM a complete pain in the butt, but hey! i'm not complaining! (hahaha) really though, i'm so happy and thankful that i have so many wonderful, understanding friends in my life who are there to support me and be blatantly honest when i need it most.

5) lastly, i just want to thank myself, however odd and vain this may seem. here goes...

i haven't had the greatest life experiences in the years that i've been alive. i haven't been the person that i want to be most days, and i'm truly sorry for the moments that i reacted blindly out of emotion, rather than taking into account what the better thing to do would have been. i'm at a point in my life that i'm happy one minute and struggling the next, but i wouldn't change it for the world. there have been several points in my life (most especially two years ago in the summer) that i seriously and constantly considered ending my life because i thought i couldn't take it, and i figured there was nothing to hold out for. i've had to deal with a lot of crap from other people, and have thrown a lot of undeserved crap onto other people for reasons that i don't even remember now, and probably weren't that good back then. i've been a complete jerk, and have dealt with complete jerks. i've lied, made up stories, bent the truth, and insulted people for no reason other than a power-trip. i've put myself in positions of authority that i shouldn't have been in, and told other people things that nobody ever should have to hear.

but what i want to thank myself for isn't any of that. i'm thanking myself for the fact that i changed. i'm thanking myself for sticking around, and for turning out all right. and i'm thanking you, because you are reading this, and you probably played some role in me getting my head on straight and staying alive.

so... thanks.

piano

i've been doing a lot of piano-playing recently... in fact, it's been getting even more attention than my guitar, which is forlornly stacked in the corner of my room, collecting dust on the top of its case... :/

but anyway - back to the topic at hand, i've been writing a lot of piano music, too, which has been pretty new and exciting for me, since i don't really know what i'm doing. :p but it's been a lot of fun, and i'm enjoying the new adventuring tunes and tones i've been able to come up with, and am thoroughly loving the feel of everything i've come up with so far. it's all been instrumental, and i'm thinking about maybe turning out an instrumental cd at some point before my full album comes out... who knows... (no promises, mind you! just speculation at this point.)

oh, dr golden...

dr michael golden is my biology professor. he also happens to be the greatest professor (of any subject) that i've ever had. woo hoo! :D he's hilarious, knows a LOT about many different things (for example, he started explaining quantum physics to us the other night, and his first degree is in anthropology), and has a really cool and effective teaching style. goodness me, i'm learning things! (hahaha)

i leave you with a quote from one of his lectures:

"a long time ago, the british empire ruled the world. and they had an amazing army that ran around and kicked ass all over the place..."

<3

FINALS PERFORMANCE!!

so, i entered this song contest... and my song "shooting star" is a finalist entry for both the folk/protest category, AND it's in the overall grand prize you-could-possibly-win-$1,000-in-cash-and-prizes category!!!

well, there's a performance for each finalist before they announce who won - and i get to play!! it's this Saturday (10/04) starting at 7PM and going until i-don't-know-when.

COME if you can make it!!! (and even if you can't, your support is definitely appreciated!) :D

here's the formal info:

Saturday, October 4, 2008
7:00pm - 11:00pm

East Side Center (formerly Holy Cross Church)
Corner of Van Buren & Wilson St
Batavia, IL

"expression"

poetry as a last resort
crying as a first choice
crying seems to be the theme of today
an interesting jumble of sad and happy
a last ditch effort to calm my mind
myself, my body and soul are dissatisfied
there is a way out, and it's you
but you are too far away to hold
and i'm not holding on to anything else
so i fall
down
down again, and
down
into misery and heartsickness
and i break, almost shatter
but i'll get up if you ask
i can make another stand
if it means i'll get to see you again
even though i'd rather be done with it all
and just let my life end, here and now!
but i'll stick around, if only for you
if only for the music in your soul
the light in your eyes
i won't leave you behind
i won't go alone, 'cause i love you
i love you

***


(i'm not sure why i continually underlined 'you' -- it just felt right.)