in like

infatuation--
love? no.
step back, detach, rewind
look forward, to the sides
infatuation--
love? think.
love: unconditional
not: unresponsive.
love: incredible
not: irresponsible.
look at the moment
who else is in it?
mutual attraction?
mutual distractions?
infatuation
love? like.

moonshadow

moonlight
glassy
orange
full darkness
sky-black
evening dusk
where is the light?
callous
hidden
shrouded mystery
waken
dormant
sleeping eyes
faces
open
drinking in the day
hopeful
waking
lost without a friend
despairing
tired
cannot carry on
dawning
realization
helps the weak be strong
waken
dormant
sleeping eyes
faces
open
drinking in the day
healing
yellow
shadows of the moon
sunlight
sandstorm
coming all soon
moonshadow
sun rays
fullshine
dark days
waken
dormant
sleeping eyes
faces
open
welcoming demise
unsure
uncertain
crying out for aid
no one
will help them
dark clouds cover day
somber
passions
rising through the sky
teardrops
falling
like rain through misty nights
i am
a soldier
lost without my King
i am
a fighter
flying with no wings
i will not
remain here
in God's domain for long
no one
will aid me
i cannot
help
but fall
waken
dormant
sleeping eyes
faces
open
sifting truth from lies
helpless
weakened
i will carry on
i am
a sunrise
i will be
the dawn

waken
dormant
sleeping eyes
faces
open
i begin to cry

help

i'm staring at the darkened window
waiting
wishing
hoping
wondering
my face reflected in the glass
my own sad eyes staring back at me
can i really be this dense sometimes?
yes
i can
it's often
what seems to be my lot in life
how ironic
that the night that shuts me in
is what seems to give me hope
for a brighter
new dawn
can i hope to change tomorrow?
can it be done
so easily?
so little effort?
like a picture
painting a thousand words
i will give you my words
as words
pictures are not
enough
for me
i need more
something
anything
everything
always more
more? am i so greedy
that i want so much
more?
should i want?
be satisfied?
dissatisfied?
am i happy?
wet
tears reflect back
in the window
something
anything
everything
i am alone

apologies

i would like to start this post with an apology to any and all readers i may have for not posting and/or reading blogs these past couple weeks, because ... well, i'll start at the beginning. (story time!) haha.

when i got a mac (*heart!*), one of my first things i did with it was go on the internet and set up bookmarks and my homepage and all that jazz. we have a secure wireless internet router in our house, so i was having a blast in any part of my house - my bedroom, kitchen, dining room, living room... mostly my bedroom, but that's beside the point.

so. the internet was fast, and awesome, and hurray for it all. then, after about a half a week went by, i noticed that my connection was slower in some areas of the house - mainly the family room. then after almost another week, *duh duh duhhhh* I noticed that my homepage (my blog, tee hee) was taking an unusually long time to load.

after about 20 minutes, i began to think it odd that the page hadn't loaded yet. 'oh well,' i thought, 'i'll just check my gmail.'

that page didn't load either. so then i figured, okay, well that's... fine? and decided to google something (i can't remember what - something about colleges).

and when THAT page didn't load i became a bit annoyed. heather made a suggestion that because everything related to google was down (the new blogger, google, gmail), it was simply something to do with the server.

so, i wondered, why didn't other pages load as quickly as they used to? and, about a week later, why was i still unable to access google, gmail and blogger?

the answer, ladies and gentlemen, is that the router we have is evil. evil evil evil.

the technical term for that is that our router is only compatible with pcs, and not macs, so we have to reconfigure our secure router so that it's also compatible with mine and katy's computers (though mainly with mine, as katy is in englalalalaland, where they have nice routers... though they probably call them something else).

next, i have apparently been tagged by feather to make a list of ten things i like about myself.

so i'm now going to do that (and don't worry - this will only be ten things, not twenty-two:

1) i like the fact that i can sing and play pretty much any instrument you put in front of me (just give me about five minutes).

2) i like my face (as odd as that sounds). i've gotten several compliments on various parts of my face, and thus have decided that altogether it's a rather nice face. so i like it.

3) (this is not meant to be in a bragging way) i like the fact that i am more mature than a lot of people my age - especially about my appearance and personality.

4) i like the fact that i can hold intellectually-stimulating conversations with people who are older than me, and that i actually know what i'm talking about in said conversations.

5) i like being able to pick up languages and accents, and i enjoy having the ability to hold conversations in three languages (english, russian, spanish). (on a side note, i also enjoy knowing at least one word in roughly 18 different idiomas.)

6) i like the fact that i have a post-college reading level, and could have taken college-level honors english at the age of fourteen.

7) i like the fact that i can make other people happy, make them laugh, that sort of thing.

8) i like that i have the ability to write music that connects with people and touches them.

9) i like being able to smile. a lot. every day. all the time. *grin*

aaaaand the big
10!!) i like me. in general. a lot. :p

voila! el list. :)
-me

all part of this completely tasteless breakfast

based on the fact that i've recently realized that a lot of my friends don't know about my food restrictions, i have decided right now to list everything that i can't eat, so that all may know. :)

so, let us begin the list:

1. NO beef
2. NO chicken
3. NO wheat/gluten
4. NO heated oils or heated fats
5. NO cow's milk or cow's cheese
6. NO artificial preservatives,
additives, colors, dyes, flavors, etc.
7. NO chocolate or cocoa
8. NO sugar
(9-ish. i have a sliiiight intolerance to soy - so i can't overdo it)

i think that's it. i know, i know - it's eight(ish) things, but in the long run (and the big, big picture) it knocks out a looooot of food, and though it is really annoying to not be able to eat an awesome piece of pizza or a huge bowl of ice cream (or pretty much anything! boo), since i cut out all of the above from my diet a couple things have happened:

.: i've lost a lot of weight, and am much healthier these days (caused by everything)
.: i'm a lot less prone to sudden bursts of temper (oddly enough, those were caused by the beef and chicken...)
.: i'm a lot more clear-headed (the sugar)
.: i'm a lot more willing to get up and get out and do things, exercise, play outdoor games, i can actually run for a while without feeling like i'm about to die... those sort of things

so all in all i'm pretty happy with myself at the moment - something, as a lot of people may know, never happened (or happened extremely rarely) before, when i was eating all the stuff i shouldn't. and the stuff that i've found to eat isn't as bad as i make it out to be - a lot of it is quite delicious, especially if one of my beee-uuuuuuuutee-ful sisters made it. :)

so now, i am going to get breakfast. adios!

-me